


Tribulation of A Dead Man

by TheWeepingMonk



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But Also Canon Compliant Up Til Nick's Death, Canon Is Fake And I'll Do Whatever I Want, First Kiss, Idk is it cheating to kiss a dead man in a different plane of existence?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-13 21:11:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20589185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeepingMonk/pseuds/TheWeepingMonk
Summary: Nick has a brief conversation with an old friend.





	Tribulation of A Dead Man

Nick stares unseeing up at the sky, vaguely aware of Alicia and the others trying their hardest to save him. He's not scared. He should have died so many times before today, but this time feels different, _he_ feels different – weak and fading fast. This was it It. This was they day he died.

Nick closes his eyes, slipping unconscious, his senses failing him until –

A soft breeze ghosts over his skin, the sound of a fire crackling reaches his ears, and he feels the hard ground under his back. His eyes flutter open and he recognizes bluebonnets swaying around him. He sits up and takes in his surroundings. He’s back in the field of bluebonnets he found with his mother awhile back except there’s a small camp at the edge of it consisting of a spit roasting over the fire, a ratty old tent, and a chair.

Nick gets up, walking over to inspect the campsite. He finds a bag in the tent but just as he sets it on the ground to rummage through he hears, 

“Finally, you’re awake.”

Nick freezes in place, recognizing that voice even after all this time.

“Nicky?”

Nick turns, hit with a wave of emotion as he takes in the sight of Troy – clean-shaven and healthy looking, but still wearing the same clothes he died in. “Troy...," he breathes.

“In the flesh – well, _almost_.” Troy says with a grin, gesturing to himself.

It feels like his brain is short-circuiting. “H – how…what…what is this place?" 

Troy walks over to him and places his hand over Nick's chest and suddenly Nick can feel his heartbeat pulsating. “You’re...still dying…what happened to you anyway?”

“Someone I tried to help shot me.” Nick answers, unable to pry his eyes off of Troy. 

Troy hums. “Charlie? Shoulda killed her as soon as you found out what she was.”

Nick furrows his brow. “You know about her?”

Troy nods, his hand sliding up Nick’s chest to rest on his shoulder. “Been keeping an eye on you since I went cold. I know everything up until what you did to that asshole with a mustache, which, gotta say, Nicky, I’m impressed you found that killer instinct again. Was starting to worry about you.”

Even if this was all just a dream or a hallucination or a bad trip Nick didn’t remember taking, Troy definitely sounded like himself. 

Nick can’t help reaching forward and touching Troy’s face, the soft flesh felt so warm, so solid, as it would if Troy were still alive. But he wasn’t, and soon Nick wouldn’t be either. “He killed my mom,” he answers absent-mindedly.

Troy huffs. “Not like she wasn’t asking for it.”

Nick frowns, glaring at him.

Troy stares back unflinchingly. “Oh, don’t give me that look. I know you remember what she did to me. Know you forgave her too."

Nick studies him a moment – a million things he wants to say clawing up his throat only to die on his tongue – then walks over to inspect the fire, holding his hand out over it and feeling the warmth against his skin. “What is this place?” He questions. “Heaven?”

Troy huffs a laugh. “You really think _I_ could make it to the pearly gates?”

Nick’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Hell then?”

“Not sure. All I know is that I walk the same places you do, but you never see or hear me,” Troy answers, coming to stand next to him.

Nick looks over at him. “So you’re like a ghost?”

Troy shrugs. “Kind of. Can’t affect anything on your plane no matter how much I try, but I can bring a copy of it into this one. All I can really do is watch.”

“And you always watch me?”

Troy shrugs again. "You’re entertaining. A shitty farmer, and a terrible carpenter maybe, but definitely worth watching.”

Nick snorts. “Guess I can add stalker to your resumé.”

Troy grins. “Right under militia leader, farmer, scientist, and child of violence.”

“You're not a scientist.” Nick points out.

Troy huffs. “Can’t even give it to me in the after life? That’s _harsh, _Nicky.”

Nick's lips twitch into another barely-there smile that fades as quickly as it came and he turns to face Troy fully. “Earlier you said, ‘finally, you’re awake.' What did you mean by that?”

“I mean that while I was busy admiring your handiwork on mustache back there, I was suddenly ripped back to this field and found you lyin' in the flowers and an old campsite of mine waiting for us.” Troy explains.

Nick looks down at the dirt between them, processing the information slowly. He understands he’s dying, and this is what’s waiting for him when he finally kicks it, but he doesn’t get why _Troy_ is here and not his father or Glo or even Cal – though he can’t say he minds. Maybe him and Troy were just so similar that God or whomever decided they could share their hell – if that’s what this place really was.

Troy surprises him by suddenly tilting his chin up so their eyes meet. “Look, I don’t know what this place is, and I’m not sure why it’s brought us together, but I do know that I’m glad I get to speak to you after all this time. It's fucking torture being invisible. Feel like I’m going insane every time I say something and you don’t answer or I touch you and you don’t feel it.”

Nick blinks at him a moment, then he crowds into Troy’s space and pulls him into a hug. “I feel this,” Nick assures him. Troy’s arms wrap around him, crushing him to his broad chest. Nick closes his eyes, burying his face against Troy – a swell of emotion in his chest. He’d pushed his complicated feelings for Troy so far down that he forgot how much he'd missed him.

“I should have saved you,” Nick whispers.

Troy squeezes him tighter. “No. I brought this on myself Nicky. You did more for me than my own blood ever did and I’m _grateful_ for that.”

Nick rubs Troy’s back, offering more of the touch he's been starved of. “We could’ve had fun together.”

“We still can…once you're dead.”

Nick feels Troy’s hand on his chest again, and gasps at the sudden pain in his chest, jerking away from him entirely. It stops almost instantly. “What are you doing?” Nick hisses.

Troy blinks at him, a frown on his face now. “I…I can't tell you how I know this, but…you’re not going to die today – at least not permanently.”

“_What?”_

“When I touched you just now I…I got this _feeling_.” Troy tells him.

Nick looks around, wondering if whatever brought them together is nearby and that’s when he notices a second chair on the other side of the fire that wasn't there before. “Troy,” he says.

Troy picks up on it right away and after a quiet moment they look at each other. “Think we should sit?”

Nick shrugs and Troy takes it as a yes, sitting in one of the chairs. Nick joins him, but nothing happens.

“So, if I’m not dying today, why am I here?” Nick questions.

“Dunno. Maybe it's just a fresh layer of hell designed to torture me.” Troy suggests, staring into the fire. “Maybe I’ve been wanting this too much and this is just the devil teasin' me.”

Nick doesn’t like the dead look in Troy’s eyes, and reaches over to place his hand over Troy’s. “Then he’s teasing me too cos I’ve missed you so damn much.”

“Liar,” Troy says, eyes shooting down to their hands. “You’ve got your family and Luciana. Bet you don’t even think about me anymore.”

Nick scoffs, anger flaring in his chest. “Oh, fuck your 'woe is me' _bullshit_. Just cos you’ve been watching me doesn’t mean you know shit about what I’ve been thinking.”

Troy slowly turns his hand so they’re palm to palm. “So tell me.”

Nick slips his fingers in between Troy’s, and looks at the meat cooking, letting the anger fade and his thoughts collect before he speaks, “You were wrong before...I didn’t just _forgive_ Madison for what she did to you. After she killed you I chose to be the suicide note instead of letting Strand do it... I thought I’d die there and I was okay with that because I thought it was only a matter of time before the burden of me became too much for my mom and I just…_You_ let me exist as I was, a junkie, an asshole, and even a killer, but she would never let me just _be, _so dying that day? It just made sense.”

“But?”

“But after I was back with my family I was just sick of everything – being a junkie, being a killer, being around the dead – of wanting to die,” Nick says. “So I chose the life I knew my mom would fight to give me – a safe one where I could have a home, something different from the hell around us – but I didn’t choose her or forget what she did to you. I just started acting like the person she wanted me to be so I could live in peace for _once_ in my life. I’m sorry if that felt like forgetting you, but you were dead and I had to move on with my life.”

Troy squeezes his hand, and Nick steals a glance at him, watching him process his words as he stares into the fire.

“I used to dream about you,” Nick tells him. “At first I just had nightmares of you dying in front of me, but after awhile they changed to normal dreams of us going on adventures or just talking or me saving you that day...I know we didn’t know each other long, but…what we had was special. We didn’t have to fit into neat little boxes for each other or pretend to be anything other than what we were and...before the Diamond fell I caught myself missing you a lot because it was hard trying to force myself into the spitting image of a peaceful farmer, a loving son, a big brother, and a perfect boyfriend. I wouldn’t have to try so damn hard for you. I could have fun and be selfish and free. I could just be _me_."

"So you just miss how I made you feel." 

Nick huffs. "No. I miss _you_. I miss your relentless chatter and your dead silence. I miss you stealing my knife to sharpen it cos you don't think I do it right. I miss you teasing me and trying to make me laugh with your bad jokes. I miss thinking about what an insane asshole you are, but still knowing that you have my back...I...I've never had anything like what we did – _do_ – before and it's been hard living without it."

He feels Troy’s eyes on him and turns to meet them. “So see, I do care about _you_, Troy, not just the way you made me feel."

Troy's expression is unreadable, a calculated look in his eyes. “Then why do you never mention me?”

“Cos you were a grade A asshole, and no one I know wants to hear about you or hear that I miss you, so I’ve just gotten used to keeping you in my head.”

"That's a real convenient answer." 

"It's the truth," Nick insists, gently squeezing his hand. 

Troy studies him carefully for a very long moment, then grins – an achingly familiar sight. “You love me," he accuses playfully. 

Nick rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

"Why not? You just gave me a whole speech telling me you did."

"I told you I _missed_ you."

"Can't miss someone you don't love," Troy counters with an obnoxious smirk that Nick finds endearing. 

Nick pushes at his face with his free hand, earning a laugh. "I don't love you, asshole." He's only joking, because he does in his own way, but the playful light in Troy’s eyes dims at the words. 

"Because of Luciana?" Troy sounds almost bitter when he asks, _hurt_, even.

Nick struggles to answer –confused by both the sudden question and the tone in which it was asked. Eventually, he settles on, "Because loving a dead man sounds like torture."

"So does loving a live one, but..." Troy’s expression sobers suddenly, and he looks away nervously. 

Nick's heart skips, nervous himself now. "Troy...are you saying you – " 

Troy clears his throat loudly. “Food's done,” he says before slipping his hand out of Nick’s and going to tend to the meat. Nick just stares at his back as he speaks again, thoughts swirling, “Uh, anyways, now that you know I’m always watching maybe you could just…say my name or say everything you keep in your head? I know I can’t answer or anything, but I…I’m all alone here.”

_Lonely_.

“I will, I promise,” Nick tells him softly. 

“Thanks.”

Nick watches as Troy cuts up the mystery meat, stuck on the implication of Troy being in love with him. He isn't repulsed by the idea like he might have been in the early days at the ranch. No. After Jeremiah, after seeing how alike they were Nick knew they could be what the other one needed – a source of unconditional loyalty, protection, and even love if given time. All the lying he'd done on Troy’s behalf had been the foundation for that – a house swiftly burned down by Madison before it could even be built. 

But maybe Troy’s time in the place had allowed him to start rebuilding it, and maybe they could finish it together one day – when he really was dead. 

Troy pulls a plastic container from his bag and tosses the meat in there, but when he's done, he doesn’t offer it to Nick or eat it himself. “I don’t need to eat here. I can if I want to, and the food never spoils, but it’s just something to do when I’m bored now,” he explains when he sees Nick's curious look.

Nick nods and stands up. He walks over to Troy, and places his hand on the center of his chest. Troy doesn’t react the same, he doesn’t gasp in pain, and there’s no heartbeat to be felt, but Nick gets this overwhelming sense that _this_ is where they're meant to be. Here. Together.

But not yet.

He feels a tugging sensation in his chest, and he knows he doesn’t have much time left.

He slides his hand up Troy’s chest, up to the back of his neck where he buries his fingers in loose curls, and steps closer, staring into Troy’s eyes. “I don’t know when I’m coming back, or when I’ll be able to touch you again, and this might feel like more torture in the long run for both of us, but…” He flicks his gaze meaningfully to Troy’s lips, and back to his big blue eyes.

Troy mirrors Nick’s hold on him, seeming to gravitate towards him.

Nick loves Luciana now and he might love her the rest of his life or he might not, but one thing he knows for sure is that after he dies _Troy_ will be the one to greet him, _Troy_ is his eternity. 

So, he kisses him gently – once, twice, three times – and then passionately, his fingers tightening in Troy’s hair, his other hand fisting his shirt and pulling him in closer – and wow is he glad he didn't do this when Troy was alive because he never would have been able to live everyday without this.

The tugging sensation grows stronger and stronger until Nick feels his every muscle go taut. He pulls away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Troy’s, blue eyes staring into his, and he smiles softly as Troy caresses his cheek, thumb gently stroking him.

“I have to go now,” Nick tells him ruefully.

Troy nods, expression going carefully blank even as he quietly says, “You won't see me, but I’ll be there when you wake up.”

Nick smiles, and nuzzles into him gently, closing his eyes.

Troy nuzzles back, his hands cupping Nick's face. He lets out a hesitant breath suddenly, then, "Nicky, before you go...you should know…Madison’s alive.”

Nick stiffens, his eyes snapping open, but before he can properly react he’s pulled away by an invisible force, the world dissolving into black around him until he goes blind and unfeeling – then suddenly he's suffocating, clawing at his throat helplessly, body thrashing wildly. The next thing he knows his eyes are snapping open, and he’s gasping for air.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos appreciated !!!


End file.
